Behind Closed Doors: The Things You Don't See
by ThePurpleRose
Summary: A collection of random funny chunks from the whole Trilogy. CHAPTER 2: Training Matt is a harder job than Dartemis thought. 'He's certainly not the brightest tool in the box' Matt has serious issues. Please read and review!
1. Alcoholic

**AN: _THESE CHAPTERS ARE NOT ALL RELATED_ so if you don't like the first one, it doesn't matter, 'cause the second will be different and you might like that one 'cause this story is essentially a collection of ficlets from different parts of the GoT trilogy.**

**This is an alternate ending to the Key – with a twist. It's just a random thing.**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own it, but I'm using it for my randomness anyway.**_

**Lathenia**

"Highness?" A raspy voice questions.

I sigh. "What is it now Keziah? There had better be no more hang-ups or someone will take the blame for it?" I threaten.

"Well, your Demons, highness-"

"What about them?" I snap. "I haven't got all day!"

"They're drunk, highness." The old magician blurts out.

I can't have heard him correctly. "What was that Keziah?"

"Your demons are totally inebriated, highness."

I slap my forehead. "This cannot be happening to me." I mutter to myself. To Keziah, I command. "Just douse them in coffee and cold water, Keziah. And tell them that if it happens again, I'll have their heads!"

I have to ask myself, for the millionth time, why I bother doing this. Sure I like the power, and I might've enjoyed ruling over so much stuff a long time ago, but I sure don't enjoy dealing with those idiots. And the demons – they smell so bad I want to throw up over them to make them smell better. And then there's Marduke, I mean geez, how am I supposed to love _that_?

No, I like King Richard better. Now _there's_ a real man. Anyway, think Lathenia! I need to concentrate on beating my brother today.

Taking a deep breath of clean air before going out to where the Demons are being held. Urgh, they still smell awful, but the coffee has covered some of the odour, so I guess they're a little better. I'm actually surprised that none of my human soldiers have passed out from this.

I clear my throat and order. "Forward to the lake above the city of Veridian! It is time for us to claim what should have been ours, right from the start!"

There is a tumultuous array of noises of approval, and I transport us all to meet my brother.

**Matt**

A drunken demon faints at my feet. After all that training and stuff, we barely have to look at the things and they fall over or just give up and sit down with a nice bottle of whisky. I literally only have to prod one of them, and a whole line goes down, they're like furry, breathing dominoes, they really are.

I hear a cry of rage different to any other I've heard today. It has every creature turn to look at the immortals. They have reduced themselves to physical combat, each wielding a sword and a dagger.

"Is this what it has come down to sister?" Lorian enquires. "Is any of this really necessary?"

"Yes! All of these years, you have ruled over everything and it should have been me. I was conceived first, so I should have been born first!"

"Really? I thought it was Dartemis."

"But he's dead! You should know, you killed him!"

Lorian shrugs. "If he wants to do whatever it is he does, it's none of my business."

"So does that mean he's still alive?"

"For goodness' sake! I'm not his personal messenger, ask him yourself!" Lorian snaps.

"Stress-y." Lathenia mocks. "So isn't it time you killed me?"

"And you me?"

"Nah, I don't feel like murdering anything at the moment."

"No, neither do I."

"Shall we go down the pub?" Lathenia suggests.

Lorian shrugs. "Why not? I've had enough of all this fighting."

The two immortals use their wings to disappear.

I turn to Arkarian. "Pinch me. I must be dreaming."

Arkarian shakes his head. "Then I'm dreaming too."

"And me." Isabel adds.

"Shall we all just go to pub too?" Rochelle asks.

Dillon agrees. "Yeah, these things smell like rotten eggs and coffee."

Ethan adds. "And they're snoring really loudly." He kicks the nearest snoring demon. It grunts then continues to snore.

So we all go off to the pub, briefly aware that somewhere in the woods, Marduke is waiting like a loner for Ethan and Rochelle, who aren't even going to bother to turn up.

**Marduke**

"Hello? Ethan? Shaun? Little spy, Rochelle? Lathenia?" I call after an hour of waiting.

"Oh stuff this!" I say, picking up Ethan's bow and arrow. "I don't really want to shoot that little squirt anyway; he makes me laugh with his stupidity. I'm going to the pub!"

**AN: So what do you think? Should I continue with it?**** Please review :-p**


	2. Emotional, Obssessive and Possessive

**AN; I said I was gonna continue this fic in the holidays, and I am! But I'm going on holiday on Sunday for twelve days so I probably won't have a chance to update it again 'til after that, but hey! You never know, I might find time to update between now and Sunday.**

**This chapter is when Dartemis is training Matt in the Key. Enjoy…**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own GoT but I'm using it for my own randomness anyway.**_

**Dartemis**

Matthew sends me another blank stare. I sigh. Why did I ever let my brother talk me into training him? He's certainly not the brightest tool in the box, and he has serious issues! He's obsessive, possessive, amazingly in denial, and really quite emotional. And _this_ is supposed to be _my_ son? Matthew thinks he's not my son, and if I didn't know better, so would I!

"Matthew, we will repeat this over and over until you get it right!" I say firmly.

Matt bursts into tears for the fourth time today. "B-b-but I c-can't do it!" He sobs. "I-I wanna r-rescue Neriaaah!"

"And you will, once you finish your training."

"B-b-but I wannnnaa help her nooooooow!"

I pull him into a hug just to shut him up. I could understand this happening once in a while if he were a small child, but he's not a child anymore and this is the fourth tantrum of the day!

Deep in my mind, I hear soft laughter.

_Shut up Lorian! _I send.

My brother sends back. _He'll get over it. They always do eventually._

_How the hell would you know? You've only got Arkarian._

_Dartemis, it took me _two-hundred_ years to train Arkarian. I had a lot to teach him but still, two hundred years is a very long time._ Lorian laughs again.

_It's really not funny! Shut up Lorian!_

_Fine._

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After another three hours training – well, I say training, I mean arguing – I'm really getting annoyed!

"ISABEL IS MY SISTER! SHE'S MINE, AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY HER NAME!"

"Matthew, I haven't said your sister's name yet. I just said you need to meditate to reach the ultimate state of inner peace so we can begin training."

"YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Matthew spits. "YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!"

"Actually, Matthew, I am your father. We've been through that already."

"YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO GO NEAR MY MOTHER!"

"If I hadn't, you wouldn't exist."

"I DON'T CARE!"

I've had enough of this now. I snap. "MATTHEW BECKETT! GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

"NO! It's all messy and I haven't had time to take out the trash yet! And Janah hasn't checked under my bed for spiders yet!" He gets down on his knees in front of me, crying again. "Pleeeeeaaaaaaaassssssse don't make me! PLEASE!"

"If you don't do as you're told, I will send you to your room without Janah checking under the bed for spiders. And I won't check for snakes in your wardrobe either!"

Matthew sniffs, wiping tears off his cheeks. "I'll be good, I promise!"

I mentally grin and laugh. I believe I've just found my secret weapon. I think training Matthew may get a little easier now.

_Up yours, Lorian! Ha! _My older brother appears not to be paying attention at the moment, but anyway, I can gloat later when he is listening.

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"But it huuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrtttts!" Matthew complains.

I sigh and give him a look bordering on intolerance. Man, that child is irritating! "Matthew, you need to learn to cut your own toe nails because there is no way in this universe or any universe for that matter, that I am going to cut your toe nails for you! So if they get too long and become ingrown, you'll have nobody to blame but yourself!"

"But iiiiiiii don't wanna!"

"Well that's just tough!"

"THAT'S NOT FAIR! I'LL TELL JANAH ON YOU!"

"LIFE'S NOT FAIR!" Matthew starts to sob. "And besides, Janah is my servant! Now cut your toe nails or I will send you to your room with no supper or checking under the bed and wardrobe!"

"THAT'S NOT FAIR EITHER! MUM WOULDN'T DO ANY OF THIS! YOU'RE MEAN AND I HATE YOU!"

"Matthew, just go and have a shower, please."

"FINE THEN! I DON'T WANNA BE ANYWHERE NEAR YOU! DON'T YOU DARE GO ANYWHERE NEAR MY MUM AND SISTER! THEY'RE MINE!"

I have put up with this for two weeks now and I can't stand it anymore! I step forward, very aware of how much I tower over him, and state very quietly. "You are going to have to get used to being here with me! I don't really want to be near you at the moment either but I loved your mother sand I owe it to her and my brother to give you a chance! Okay?"

Matthew glares at me and storms out of the room. I breathe a sigh of relief; I won't have to put up with him for another twenty minutes, while he showers – hopefully longer than that!

I collapse into one of my armchairs as my two lions come into the room and settle beside me. I run my fingers through my silver hair only to find clumps of it stuck in between my fingers when I reach for my glass of water. I yell and practically leap out of my chair. The Lioness nuzzles my shin. Janah comes in with a two chunks of meat, which he drops in front of the lions, who happily dig in while Janah notices me staring disbelievingly at the clumps of silver hair.

"You look tired, my lord." He says tactfully.

I nod, averting my gaze from the hair to my servant. "Matthew is a bit of a handful."

"I think, maybe a holiday would be good, my lord." Janah suggests. "You are obviously stressed."

It's a good suggestion but I'm shut up here for my own good. Taking a holiday would be taking a massive and unnecessary risk, no matter that I am so stressed I'm losing my hair. I can't let Lathenia find me, that much is certain. I explain this to Janah and he smiles.

"My lord, I meant for Matthew. You would get time out from dealing with him and he might grow up a bit when there's nobody for him to ask to do everything for him."

I grin. "Janah! That is a wonderful idea! Thank-you!" But then I think of something. "But it won't work either. Lorian is adamant that Matthew must be trained continuously because the Guard's is severely weakened with Neriah gone and Matthew in training. Thank-you for your suggestion Janah, but it just won't work."

At that point, Matthew enters the room with dripping wet hair. He sits in a chair opposite me until Janah leaves the room, then he notices the Lions. His eyes widen with fear and he shrieks. "AAAAAAAAAAAH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THEMONSTERISGONNAEATME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RUUUUUUUNN AAAAAAWWWWWWAAAAAAAAYYY!"

He leaps out of his chair, jumping on an empty cabinet. Unfortunately, cabinets are not made to be jumped on by seventeen year olds, and it tips over, sending Matthew sprawling onto the floor right in front the lion. He screams a really high-pitched scream again. I can't take any more of this!

I stride up to him, pulling him up by the ear. I drag him all the way to my brother's palace in Athens, which fortunately for Matthew isn't very far because I can transport myself from the entrance to my palace to the entrance to Lorian's chambers in an instant.

Lorian opens the door looking rather puzzled. He notices my hair and my thunderous expression. Although he probably thinks that me looking like this is hilarious, he keeps his amusement off his face for his own safety. He ushers us inside with one eyebrow raised questioningly.

I release Matthew, leaving him moaning on the floor. "My ear hurts now!!!!!(sob, sob, sob, sob, sob) it huuuuuuuuuurrrrts!"

I explain. "I need a break. He is driving my insane! But his training needs to be continued."

Lorian nods. "I see. I gather you haven't achieved anything today then?"

"Oh yes." I answer. "Matthew succeeded in tipping over the cabinet and screaming very loudly."

"I see."

"Say that again and I'll shoot you!"

"I see. Alright, I will continue his training for a week and no longer, okay?"

My features break out in a grin. "YES! WOO HOO! I'M FREE!!!!" I yell as I transport myself back to my palace with no Matthew in tow.

Janah sends me a confused look. "My Lord? Where is young Matthew?"

"Not here!" I reply happily. "Lorian's training him for a week!" I grab my servant by the shoulders and shake him. "A WHOLE WEEK! Janah! A whole week! FREEDOM!"

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Today is the day I've been dreading since I got over my euphoria at getting rid of Matthew. It is the day Matthew is due to return. I haul myself out of my armchair at a mental call from Janah and make my way down stairs where I meet Matthew standing by the door in the entrance hall. He sees me come in and studies his shoes intently.

Finally, he speaks. "Sorry Dartemis. I don't know what came over me. It won't happen again, I promise."

I smile. "Good. Now come in and let's begin your training. What have you learnt from my brother?"

"I learnt how to meditate but I spent most of the week with the Psychiatrist."

"So no more insanity or tantrums?"

Matthew nods apologetically.

"YES!"

Matthew gulps. _Erm, Lorian? I think Dartemis needs a Psychiatrist!_

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**AN: That's that chapter then. Tell me if there's a particular section of the book you'd like me to randomise and I will. Also tell me what you think of this chapter. Remember, these chapters are not all related to each other.**

**Thanks to LLAMAS WILL RULE THE WORLD!! For her review on the first chapter.**

**Please review :-p**


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